Learning to Hide
by stacekat
Summary: "You're highly intelligent, but you're shameful of that fact so you play it down with the use of inappropriate behavior. And you live in fear of showing weakness so you hide behind a constant barrage of jokes and sarcasm." – Declan in Shawn 2.0. A series of one-shots about how Shawn got to be that way. All the little instances in his past that made him try to hide his intelligence.
1. Chapter 1

"_You're highly intelligent, but you're shameful of that fact so you play it down with the use of inappropriate behavior. And you live in fear of showing weakness so you hide behind a constant barrage of jokes and sarcasm." – Declan in Shawn 2.0._ This is a story about how Shawn got to be that way. All the little instances in his past that made him try to hide his intelligence.

**Chapter 1**

At first, Henry didn't think much about it. Babies were babies. They were all fat, whiny, and smelly. Just because Shawn shared some of his genes, didn't make him special or different. Don't get him wrong, he loved his boy. He loved the way Maddie's face softened when she looked at him, how when the crying stopped and the kid giggled, it made the whole place happier and warmer. But Henry knew all parents thought their kids were exceptional, perfect and amazing. So when he noticed how focused Shawn's gaze was, how well he mimicked voices and noises around him, how much he seemed to understand for a baby, Henry didn't think much of it.

As Shawn got older, Henry still didn't pay too much attention. Shawn started to speak earlier than most kids because his mom was a psychologist. She talked to the kid all the time, only natural that he'd talk back sooner than most. And Shawn's ability to remember and parrot back what you said weeks later was just plain annoying. Sure he was a smart kid, annoyingly so, but it was all normal enough.

And the kid was hyper. He got bored easily, always wanting to try something new, never sticking with anything for long. Sure Shawn could draw, read and write at a very young age, but was too busy bouncing around from one thing to the next for there to be anything exceptional about it. Henry always thought the kid needed more discipline and focus.

But it was uncanny how well Shawn seemed to remember the most insignificant of things. He'd hear some TV jingle one time and drive you nuts by singing it perfectly even months later. Shawn would barely have a chance to glance at the menu at a restaurant but he'd remember not only that pineapple cake was on it, but where it was on the menu, how much it cost, and the exact wording of the description. It was a lot of little things which seemed a bit strange, but then again, Henry would be the first to admit he didn't know much about child development. He was too busy at the station, Madeleine was getting more and more involved in her work, and she certainly wasn't a child psychologist either. So Henry just shrugged it off.

It wasn't until Shawn was four years old he realized the kid was a bit different from other children. Madeleine had roped him into taking Shawn to a play date/birthday party for another kid in the neighborhood, some kid named Burton. Henry had lost the post-it note with the address on it Maddie had given him. Lost it after she had questioned him multiple times about if he knew where he was going and if he had the note. Henry wasn't about to call her to ask for help. But Shawn was getting antsy.

"Dad – can we go? We'll be late!" Shawn cried while tugging on Henry's pants.

"In a minute, Shawn. We'll be just fine – just hold your horses." Henry leaned over the desk, riffling through his stack of loose papers. He really should put more effort into organizing his things at home.

"No we won't! We have to pass Miss Patty's house, and take 2 turns to get there! And you always fix the mirror and take 3 minutes before we leave. It's 7 minutes to Gus's house! We'll be 4 minutes late!" Shawn said while pointing at the clock on the wall.

Henry looked up – sure enough, if it took them as long as Shawn claimed, they wouldn't be there until 3:04.

"How do you know that?" Henry asked, pausing in his rummaging to look at Shawn carefully.

"Know what?"

"Know how to get to Gus's house and how long it takes?" Henry elaborated.

"Oh, that's easy. Mom took me there once. And you always do the same thing in the truck before we leave." Shawn stated impatiently while shifting foot to foot.

"You remember how to get there from going just once?"

"Duh," Shawn was obviously annoyed now, not seeing the need to go over what was obvious to him. "It's 4339 Cherry Wood Lane. They have 28 windows, 3 outside doors and a two door garage. His dad's name is Bill and his Mom is Winnie. Isn't Winnie a funny name? I mean she's not a bear and she doesn't even like honey."

Henry just grunted, annoyed how the kid could get himself sidetracked so quickly. "Whatever, let's go," he said gruffly while still looking a bit puzzled at the kid. Maybe he was just making it up. Kids tell outlandish stories all the time. It was an odd story to tell, but then Shawn was an odd kid. He'd find out soon enough.

"Oh, we're going to be 8 minutes late now, too" Shawn added. Henry swore under his breath and they were out the door.

_- Exactly 10 minutes later at 3:08 pm -_

As Henry exited the truck, he still couldn't quite believe it. The house was exactly where Shawn said it would be. There was a two door garage. He could see 2 doors – the front door and a side door and could easily believe a third lead to the backyard. A quick, rough count made it likely Shawn's 28 window claim was also correct.

Henry rang the doorbell and checked his watch. They were 8 minutes late – it had taken them 7 minutes to get there, meaning he really must have taken 3 minutes in the driveway before leaving. It was getting a bit eerie.

A warm faced woman opened the door, introducing herself as Winnie, Gus's mom. She let them inside, Shawn immediately racing off to find his friend. She explained that she and her husband Bill would be looking after the kids the entire time and Henry should expect to pick Shawn up again at 5:00 pm.

Henry nodded and grunted in all the right places, his mind still a bit preoccupied by Shawn's puzzling recitation earlier. Maddie had an uncanny ability to remember everything she heard, eidetic tonal memory or something, if he recalled correctly. But what Shawn just did, that wasn't just repeating something he'd heard. That was a catalog of details, images, facts he'd automatically collected and then piecing them together in a comprehensive and useful way. That was… it was… not normal. Especially not for a four year old child.

Just as he was about to leave, Henry turned around on the sidewalk, needing to know one last thing.

"Winnie, this is an odd question, I know. But do you like honey?"

"Honey? No, can't stand it. Why do you ask?" She replied a faintly puzzled frown on her face as she held open the front door.

"No reason. Just confirming something." Henry walked back to his truck. He and Maddie obviously need to talk when she got home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Shawn didn't understand what had happened. Gus's party had been great! There was cake, presents, toys, and lots of other kids his age. They had run around playing tag, laughing, it seemed like he was making friends. Then they sat down to play this memory card game thing. People would flip over cards one at a time and try to pick the matching pairs. Shawn wasn't really sure what the point of it was, the game was so easy. He won round after round, bored with the whole thing, and that's when the trouble started.

"He's cheating," one of the other kids whined.

"This is no fun."

"This sucks."

Pretty soon all of kids were complaining and accusing him of cheating, and Shawn didn't know why. He tried to explain it was just really easy, but that just seemed to make every one angrier. Soon all the kids left to go play in the yard with Gus's new ball, but they wouldn't let him play.

"You'll just cheat, you cheater."

Shawn wasn't a cheater. He wasn't! But no one would listen. So he went back inside to sulk in the kitchen by the leftover cake. He just didn't understand. Why couldn't they see how easy it was? It was a stupid game anyway.

"Hey, want to play with my new motorcycles?" It was Gus. He was tugging Shawn's shirt with one hand and holding out the toy bikes with the other.

"Aren't you afraid I'll cheat?" Shawn snapped, still sulking and mad at the other kids.

"I don't think you can cheat playing with motorcycles," Gus said simply. "Besides, I don't think you were cheating earlier."

Shawn spun around and jumped down from his stool. "You don't?" he said eagerly.

"Nope, I just think you're weird." Gus said.

"Thanks…?" Shawn said uncertain if being weird was better than being a cheater. He guessed it must be, because Gus at least seemed willing to play with someone who was weird. Gus handed Shawn one of the motorcycles and they sat down on the kitchen floor and proceeded to see who could make their motorcycle slide the farthest across the tile flooring.

* * *

><p>On the ride home, Henry couldn't help but notice Shawn was unusually quiet. The kid was normally a chatter box; you couldn't get him to shut up. In fact, he'd been dreading the sugar high the kid was likely to still be experiencing after the birthday party. Instead, he had been quiet, only answering questions with soft, one word answers and staring distractedly out the window.<p>

It was making Henry nervous. His mind was still filled with his early observations about Shawn, worried about bringing the subject up with Maddie, and now this. An unusually sullen and quiet child.

"Something bugging you, kid?" He asked, toning down his normally gruff voice in an attempt to seem non-threatening.

"Dad?" Shawn asked softly.

"Yeah? What is it kiddo?" He glanced over to see him looking down at his hands with a worried frown on his face.

"Am I weird?"

"Weird? Why would you ask that?" Henry stalled, momentarily unsure what to say in light of his earlier conclusions.

"It's just – the kids were really mean!" Shawn started to explain heatedly. "We were playing a game, Memory, and you have to flip over cards – and it was just dumb. It was so easy, but no one else was winning, and they said I was cheating, but I wasn't! I wasn't Dad, I swear! It was just dumb, but then no one would play with me, except Gus, he said I wasn't a cheater, just weird." The kid was panting, having spilled the entire story all in a rush, hardly taking time to breath.

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down, kiddo!" Henry said. The last thing he needed was Shawn hyperventilating on him. "Just take a few breaths, huh?" He pulled the truck over and parked, then reached his hand over to rub the kid's bony shoulders. It may have been said in a rush, but Henry got the general idea of what had happened and it just confirmed his earlier suspicions. Shaw _was_ different, he wouldn't be able to deny that, but hopefully he could make the kid feel a bit better about it.

"I didn't cheat, Dad. I swear," Shawn said, looking up at him with watery eyes. Henry sighed, he wasn't good with all this emotional stuff, but Madeline wasn't here right now and he'd have to tell the kid something.

"I know, Shawn. I believe you," he reassured, giving the kid a brief little squeeze.

"You know how Mom remembers everything we say?" Eidetic tonal memory, Maddie had called it. And really, they should have entertained the possibility their child would inherit some sort of similar gift, but it was so rare. It had really never crossed their minds. And this seemed a bit different, anyway. It wasn't just sounds Shawn seemed to clearly remember. It seemed bigger than that. Obviously they wouldn't know for sure until they took him in to see some kind of specialist, but it seemed likely the kid had some kind of related gift.

"Yeah," Shawn said slowly, not sure where this was going.

"I think you're like Mom, except you remember more things. That's why the game was so easy for you," Henry tried to explain.

"But I wasn't doing anything!" Shawn said, obviously still confused.

"I know, I know," Henry said. "It's just how you are Shawn. But for the other kids, it's harder for them to remember things. They didn't know where the cards were, they had to guess."

Shawn furrowed his brows. Obviously the idea seemed a bit strange to him. "But it was so easy…"

"You have to understand Shawn, what is easy for you can be hard for other people." Henry paused, trying to think how to best explain things. "It's like how I'm good at cooking, but your Mom always burns the fish on the grill. It seems easy to me, but it's hard for her. Do you understand?"

"I guess so." Shawn paused, kicking his against the seat as he thought about it. "Am I weird then?"

"No, Shawn," Henry said. "Just different. Everyone has their own strengths, and you are just good at remembering things. Ok?" Shawn nodded and shrugged, still playing with the hem of his shirt. Henry sighed. Well, that was as good as he was going to get, he supposed. If Shawn was as smart as he suspected, it was going to be all too obvious how 'different' he was from everyone else and there was no real good way to make that easier to accept. Maybe it was better to keep his mind off of it.

"I have a new game for you," Henry said as he started up the truck. "I want you to pay attention to all the cars we see on the way home and then I want you to tell me what color they are when we get home."

"Ok!" Shawn said, always excited about another game. Maybe it was a good thing the kid was so easily distracted. "What do I win if I get all of them right?"

Crap. Henry hadn't thought about that. For that matter, how would he even know if the kid got all of them right? He wasn't likely to remember all of them by the time they got home. He was going to have to think of a better game if this was going to become a regular thing. Well, best just fake it for today.

"If you get them all right, we'll play catch in the backyard when we get home."

"Awesome!" Shawn cheered and then promptly began to stare intently out of the window. Henry sighed softly to himself. Well, one crisis averted for now. Now he'd just have to figure out how to tell Maddie everything and figure out how they were going to handle this. Raising the energetic kid was hard enough already, Henry wasn't sure how much this would complicate everything. He already felt like he was floundering sometimes with the parenting thing, how were they going to raise a 'gifted' child?

One problem at a time. One problem at a time, Henry chanted to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It had been a long day at the office and Madeline really just wanted to crawl into bed, bury her head in the pillows and sleep. She loved her work and was a rising star in her field, but it could be mentally exhausting helping police officers and other high risk professionals work through the trauma they encountered in their jobs. And today had been especially difficult. She'd been called to help at a neighboring community where the small police force had to process the murder scene of an 8 year old child, a domestic violence case. The crime was hard on the sheltered community, officers old and young alike not used to facing such horror and tragedy. She could help them process, evaluate their mental states, and give them tools to try to cope, but really, there was little she could do to diminish shocking reality of what they had seen.

It was late, so hopefully Henry had already put Shawn to bed and after the birthday party. Luckily Henry had the shorter day shift and was still able to take Shawn to his friend's house. Maddie worried sometimes that their demanding careers would be hard on him and was happy they could still make this work out.

She stepped into the kitchen, not even bothering to turn on the lights and set her things down, rolling her head to work out the kinks in her neck. She heard Henry creep around the corner and smiled. A great police officer he may be, but he wasn't nearly as sneaky as he thought he was. She didn't so much as twitch when he came up behind her and started rubbing her shoulders.

"Hey, Hun," he greeted, kissing her neck and continuing to massage her tense muscles. "How was your day?"

"Long," she replied. "Had to go all the way out to New Cuyama. Domestic violence murder with a child."

"I heard about that," Henry sighed. Neither of them liked to hear about incidents involving children. But then who did? "You go through Los Padres?"

"Yeah, it may have taken longer, but at least the national forest is always beautiful."

Henry just hummed in agreement. "Well, there's leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry. Shawn's in bed. All the sugar and running around wore him out for once."

Maddie had to chuckle at that. Shawn seemed to be a never ending source of energy normally. Sometimes it was easier just to let him keep going rather than force him into bed. He'd eventually crash, falling asleep in the strangest positions and places. One time it was inside the clothes dryer, another time she'd found him sleeping with the top half of his body hanging of the edge of the chair, head dangling limply toward the floor. But lately, now that he was older, Henry started enforcing a stricter bedtime policy. Maddie wasn't yet convinced it was worth it. But at least tonight it sounded like Shawn had gone to bed without a fuss.

Henry made his way back to the bedroom, and after a quick snack and brief shower, Maddie joined him. Shortly after she had settled in, Henry rolled over to face her, looking at her intently. She knew that face. He was thinking, something was bothering him.

"What's up? Something happen at work today?" she asked.

"Hmm? Oh, no, no. Nothing like that." Henry sighed, then shifted to sit up. She did the same, clicking on the lamp on the nightstand.

"Well, then? What is it?"

"Have you noticed anything… well, odd, about Shawn?" Henry started. Madeline frowned. She'd known going in to this marriage that Henry wasn't the best at expressing himself or showing his feelings. He often picked the wrong word, or went about saying things in the wrong way, so she waited to hear him out before scolding him for his word choice.

"I'm not sure what you mean," she hedged instead, trying to get him to say what he was thinking.

Maddie knew that sometimes Shawn frustrated Henry. In a lot of ways, their child was just the opposite of his father. Henry was serious, focused. He like to take things slowly, he liked keeping things organized, following the rules and procedures. He was slow to trust and inherently wary about people's motives. That made him a good cop, often a good husband and parent, but not always a warm father or especially romantic partner. Shawn, on the other hand, was enthusiastic about life. He was energetic, talkative, and easily distracted. He ran from one project to another and left chaos in his wake. He was passionate about everything and extremely personable. Granted, he was a four year old, and a lot of that just came with the age, but it did seem to be a part of his personality.

On the other hand, Maddie could also see a lot of things they had in common. Stubborn to a fault, perceptive, and, unfortunately in her mind, she could already see signs that while Shawn talked a lot, he rarely talked seriously about his feelings. He'd even hidden the fact he'd gotten a cut on his leg a few weeks back and it wasn't until bath time that Madeline found it. Luckily it hadn't gotten infected, but she never did get the full story about what had happened out of Shawn. He'd told a fantastical tale about monsters in the backyard, but Maddie suspected the bigger boy Bryan who lived down the street had something to do with it.

So, Maddie noticed a lot of things about Shawn. But she wasn't sure what Henry was getting at or what he considered odd. She was willing to hear him out, though. Much to her regret, he had been spending more time with him lately than she had and it was possible he was noticing something she wasn't.

"It's just – how often have you taken him to that boy Gus's house?" He asked.

"What? Why…"

"Just tell me." Henry stared seriously at her.

"Ok, well, it was just the once. Why? Do you think Gus or his family are a bad influence?" She was starting to get worried. Did something happen there today?

"No, no – it's just… You don't think someone else has been taking him, do you?" He had that look on his face, like he was desperately trying to rationalize something.

"No… who would take him? What are you getting at here? Henry, I'm tired and I'm not sure what it is you are trying to say."

"Ok, it's just – I've been going over it in my head, and I just can't make sense of it Maddie. He knew. Shawn – he knew how to get there, he knew how long it would take, he even knew Mrs. Guster didn't like honey. Maddie – Shawn remembered how many windows their house had."

Maddie frowned. "Ok, so he remembers the Guster's, why"

"No," Henry quickly cut her off. "You aren't understanding me. And it wasn't just today. Shawn – he remembers details like a trained detective. At that party, apparently he guessed right every single time on that Memory card game. I'm saying – you know how you remember everything that is said in your session with uncanny clarity? I think Shawn can do something like that – only with everything."

She was shocked. And now that Henry had pointed it out to her, she didn't know why she didn't consider it before. The signs were there. Shawn's accelerated development; he's early mimicry of words, how quickly he picked up reading. Just the other day in the grocery store she had forgotten her list, but Shawn parroted off everything on it perfectly and even remember exactly how many containers of yogurt they had in the fridge (and was sure to tell her they definitely needed to buy more pineapple flavored yogurt).

"You're right," she breathed, a little horrified she hadn't put the pieces together earlier. This was her own child. How had she not realized this? "You are absolutely right. Shawn's always been smart, but this, this is something more."

"What do we do about it?" Henry asked, anxious for a plan, a way forward.

"I'll call Dr. Martin in the morning. He's a good friend and an expert on early child development. We'll set something up. There are some cognitive tests they can do, see what exactly it is we're dealing with." She quickly started to run through her schedule in her mind. Next Thursday would probably work, or the week after that. It wasn't an urgent matter, not really, but after so long of not even really noticing, Maddie wanted to make sure they started providing for Shawn's unique mind.

"Tests?" Henry frowned, a little concerned. "What kind of tests? I mean, he's just a kid – I don't want them to make a spectacle of him. What's it mean for his future?"

Maddie consciously made an effort to slow down her mind. Of course Henry was going to be concerned and a little confused. He was a cop, not a psychologist, and he wanted to make sure Shawn was protected.

"Oh, Henry, it's ok. They are just like games Shawn will play," she reassured him. "It'll just give us an idea of how we can better help him grow and learn, to understand what he's experiencing and what he'll need. He'll still be a kid, he'll play and go to school. We'll likely just have to make sure to give him harder books and tasks to challenge him, things like that."

Henry nodded, still frowning a bit, but she could tell he felt a bit better about the whole thing.

"I just want him to still be a normal kid," he said.

Madeline nodded, knowing what he meant by that, but also knowing that Shawn may never be what Henry would see as 'normal'. She hoped that as time went on, he'd just come to accept Shawn as he was and his own way of seeing the world.

* * *

><p>Shawn had liked Dr. Martin. He was funny and played games with him. The first ones were easy, a little dumb, but eventually they got better and the more Shawn was able to remember and recite things to him, the more excited Dr. Martin became.<p>

Mom and Dad had both come with him to the appointment. They'd asked a lot of questions and talked a really long time with Dr. Martin. That part was boring. Stuff about 'photographic memory,' 'incredible reasoning skills,' 'amazing development for a child of his age,' blah, blah, blah. Boring.

But afterwards, they bought some new books and puzzles and then went out of ice cream! Ice cream! Shawn rarely got ice cream. Dad said it made him act like a crazy person, but today he got ice cream. With pineapple. So Shawn decided Dr. Martin wasn't so bad.

But then, as time went on, other stuff started to happen. Shawn started school, and while he was initially excited about going, playing with all the kids, all the cool toys they had, it quickly got old. A lot of the kid's didn't seem to like him. Just like at Gus's party, they often accused him of cheating at the games or being mean. But he wasn't mean! He didn't cheat! But they still didn't want to play with him.

Even the teachers seemed to get annoyed with him. Saying things like "give the other kids a chance, Shawn" or "Shawn, you can't possibly be done with that puzzle already" or "Shawn, it's quiet time now." And, ok, so maybe it had been quiet time, but quiet time was boring and Billy had been poking him in the side.

And even his parents were acting a little odd. Mom was always sitting him down, showing him a new book or new puzzle and telling him how smart he was. And Dad – Dad started to quiz him about things. Always telling him to pay attention, stay focused. But all Shawn wanted to do was go outside and be a pirate king!

Gus was cool, though. Gus would always play with him and go on adventures, and find buried treasure (Gus's mom was not so happy though when they dug up her daisies in search of gold). Gus never went out of his way to tell him he was smart, or challenge him to complete a new puzzle. Gus was cool. Gus would wrestle with him, and spin in circle until they got dizzy and fell over, and help him smuggle candy into the house.

Eventually, as Shawn got older, he started to realize that maybe it was Dr. Martin's fault. Those check-ups he had with him, those games and tests he did, it marked him out as weird. As different. As much as Mom kept saying "Honey, you are just gifted! It's a wonderful thing, nothing to be ashamed of," Shawn knew different. Gifted kids were showoffs, gifted kids had to stay inside and work on homework all the time, gifted kids were meanies and cheaters.

So Shawn just stopped. Even though he knew all the answers and could read all the books at school and finish all the problems, he didn't do them all. Now, when he raised his hand, he would say something funny instead. Things that would make the other kids punch him on the shoulder and laugh and make the teachers frown.

He still did his work. He got good grades, because Mom wanted him to. And Dad kept up his tests, his lessons. Those didn't go away, just got more annoying. Dad didn't want him to "waste" his talent.

But Shawn, Shawn would goof off with Gus, make fart jokes in class, and eventually, refused to see Dr. Martin. Shawn decided he didn't like Dr. Martin.


End file.
